slackinq already…smfh.

yesterday…

all i did was stay home all day and sleep. i had the day off …and i dont know why the fuck they gave me a sunday off. i dont like that shit, sunday is already a boring enough day. but whatever. so then about at 9:30 i go meet cardo at mcdonalds , cause i had to go see my schedule ….the joys of having sunday off…and then we sat in there for like an hour doing nothing cause i really aint wanna come home just to sit there and look at the tv. its my day off so i was tryna make the best of it. which is what ima start doing with my days off is doing SOMETHING with my time. so then i keep suggesting to cardo that we smoke lol cause he told me he had got a bag like 2 days before 420…but we never smoked. i honestly didnt want to smoke but he wasnt saying nothing so i was just talking out my ass. so then he musta thought i was serious and then he calls his friend tj to come pick him up and take him to the ville to go get it. then drives back to ehc cause he thought we was really gonna go into my house to smoke (nigga wylin) and then he drives all the way back to the ville. next thing i know cardo is buying dutches and then we are in his broke down car rolling up and smokin…well not the weed yet. then i hear people lol . it was tj first time smoking so that nigga was paranoid…and hes white lol. (his dad is an retired cop) so he can get away with shit. but hes so paranoid. so cardo gets out the car to see who it was and it was some people that lived downstairs from him. i swear i thought it was the cops. lol. i was scared i so didnt want to go to jail. so then we finished rollin up and went outside to smoke. mind you, its cold and its raining, so it was just  a terrible atmosphere to be smoking in. so cardo is giving tj tips on how to smoke lol . and he was doing it wrong so many times. then he finally got the hang of it. so i stopped smoking after i inhaled too much and started coughin and shit like crazy. i was a lil high…nothing to get excited about tho. it lasted for like 15 mins. ..then i got really tired so i was acting even more stupid (when i get tired i act like im high lol but i dont do it purposely) so im like yo im hungry and we all go to wawa. tj sits in the car, and me and cardo get like all this food lol. im on the machine just pushin buttons…come to find out wawa makes smoothies now lol. i had no idea. lol. so then they take me home and .thats about it…had work the next day so i had to go to sleep.

today…

woke up earlier than i needed to and i dont know why because i got at least 6 hours of sleep. lol. i hate that shit. when i get no sleep i wake up earlier than i need to. so im hearing noises in the house , come to find out my brother didnt go to school. i swear they baby this nigga cause if that was me, i wouldnt be getting away with that shit, and mind you, i worked 2 jobs when i was in high school. he has NO job and does nothing else with his time. what kind of shit is that. ? so i called my dad and my mom up and told them cause im sick of seeing him at home. i understand that he doesnt like school, but skipping it isnt going to make shit better. its only going to make you have shitty grades and end up making even more work for yourself. i learned that the hard way. he got mad cause he knew i was calling the parents and got p.o’ed. i dont care. im tired of his ass being home when he doesnt need to be. im not in high school so therefore i would like to have the enjoyment of not seeing his high schooler ass. i dont like going to school either. but once you realize that your paying THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS for it, you break your neck to go to school. anyway. after work i get the enjoyment of being picked up by eric..my dads friend. hes sort of a perv and he is always talking this religion shit. so i was instantly pissed. he was waiting for me in the lobby and i went to the front and didnt even notice him, ha. dad texted me last minute saying he was picking me up, i was instantly pissed. but luckily , he aint say no weird shit. i was tryna see jeff after i got outta class cause i havent seen him in like 3 weeks plus he was supposed to be giving me money. the fuckin pike flooded on the street where my school is, and the buses was not coming . so i had to call my mom up to pick me up. i didnt want that cause i really wanted to see jeff. luckily he fell asleep and wasnt gonna make it anyway (cause he was gonna meet me at the terminal) …gio was in vineland for like 2 days and i was missing him. he actually just left like 45 mins ago lol. but anyway he comes over and its like such a great feeling. this nigga always looks clean. thats what i love about him, he always smells good and he always looks clean. (unlike jeffs bad hygiene) i be loving it. so then we just sit there talking and then he pulls me over to him and sits me on his lap and just holds me.im just sitting there holding him back. we didnt say anything lol. it was sweet. so then i go into the kitchen and he holds me from behind. i love the shit he does. i love feelin his hard ass dick poking me just letting me know he wants it. ugh. then i go into the living room and he strips me down from the bottom down and starts kissin my ass (i loveeee when he does that) and then starts fingering me. he looks so fucking sexy when he looks at me when he be fucking me, eating me or or fingerin me. i wanted him so bad. but of course i couldnt have him. (no jimmy hats) he fingers me even harder and gives me a kiss …the little things he does just means so much to me. jeff never does some shit like that. so we go outside (i was trying so hard to make him stay cause i aint want him to leave) and we sit on the steps of the porch. i tell him i love him. i think i mean that shit. i mean i love him, i just dont know how. but i said it to him. he says i love you too. but it aint sound like he meant it. so i got kinda sad. but its whatever. as he was leaving he said he loved me like 5 times. ehh. he aint say it good enough for my satisfaction.
–jeff called me. it felt so good to actually have a conversation with him. i miss my baby. i asked him if he had a facebook (cause i was on his myspace page and some chick asked him if he did and the next comment was a “=]”) so i had to ask him. come to find out he did. i used to look for him but i could never find him. so he gave me his email and i found him and added him. i asked why he aint add me and he talking about he aint knew i had one. nice to know he pays attention. whenever i went to visit him at his school i was always on my facebook. smh. he remembers dumbshit but cant remember that ? i just feels like he is hiding something from me all the time. like the 2nd myspace page i didnt know about that he was still using. that hurt. i felt betrayed. i only have 1 myspace and 1 facebook. so there are no secrets with me. but i feel like jeff is hiding a major secret with me, i think he talks to lots of girls. i really do. he may not be fucking them, but i think he talks to girls, like talk talk. i been thinking this for the longest. and i think he is. going around like he is single. ugh. its depressing to think about it. gio dont be on the computer as much as jeff so i dont really worry about him that much….but whatever.

today was a good day lol

12:46AM/SATURDAY MORNING
TALKiN T00 // cardo…
LiSTENiN T00 // the TV.
0N MY NERVES // me feenin for some more dick after i just got some

today was a pretty good day. i went to the funeral of my old hairdresser whom i used to go to when i was a freshman-junior..i think…i forgot when i stopped going because she ended up getting breast cancer and stopped doing hair. unfortunitely she passed away a week and some days ago from it. its really sad. madd unexpected. well for me, anyway. my grandmom has breast cancer (god forbid she gets really sick) and shes had it longer than my old hairdresser. hopefully it will soon go away. i just think my old hairdresser had went to the wrong doctor. they removed one of her breast, and they didnt find anymore traces of cancer in her, so she was “cured” but it ended up coming back. then she was on a oxygen tank…(which i didnt know until the funeral service) …the service was OK….just wayyyy too much singing and shit like how you see the churches on TV. i was sort of scared and surprised and wanted to leave. i hate being around shit like that, i hate religion and all its morals as it is. after the service, i didnt see the burial or anything because the preaching and all that mess just turned me off. so i had to go. after i went home did some laundry, and just chilled. wanted to see gio so i went to the city and saw him, his brother was supposed to pick me up since gio’s car is in the shop. but his brother couldnt make it, so he walked to the train station and met me there. (cause i told him i was going to leave if he wasnt there by the time i got there)..so we walk back to his house. i missed that nigga like crazy. he started giving me a massage, taking my shirt and my bra off, kissin my back….this shit was turning me on like crazy…see the thing with gio is that he doesnt like asking or pressuring me to fuck. he’ll just tease me and get me wet. so im wet from this shit, then he starts taking my pants off, slappin my ass. he takes his clothes off (what i love about him is that we fuck both naked ..so sexy) and then he enters me. man it felt so good. started strokin me so good, i told him i missed him lol…damn that dick is lethal. then he stops and starts eatin and suckin my pussy. man this nigga makin me wanna wife him lol ..and then re-enters me again. then we get on the floor and he starts hittin it from the back. we did other positions but damn they was all good.  then after we was done (we fucked 3 times and he hasnt even came once, he masturbates so much) i went to sleep. lol good dick always puts me to sleep. then he layed up with me. holding me. i fucking love it. his brother was gonna give me a ride home, so i had to go. he put his arms around me and told me he loved me (so sweet) and i told him i loved him too…looked him in his eyes so i guess i do. (im really confused) and we kissed. his brother, melvin, made a damn stop and took 30 mins to do whatever the fuck he was doing, i was getting mad. finally got back in the car and took me to mcdonalds and i came home. i was hungry and nothing else was open but mcdonalds ..to my luck. got work tomorrow and then im off the next day which seems so pointless and stupid. but oh well. oh yeah, jeff texted me and i didnt text him back until like 4 hours later. hes like “why you aint text me all day ?” to be honest, he hasnt been on my mind all day. i was so concerned about getting some dick….then i told him some shit like cause i aint text you (lol) gio was looking at my messages so i had to say some rude shit (i told gio that i dont talk to my boyfriend anymore and i told him that he was texting me)..its like jeff was getting mad that i aint text him…he never says some shit like that..so it was just awkward…what if he knows that i am cheating on him ?! i hope he doesnt i really dont. i just need some time to think about what the fuck i want, cause i really dont know. i wish i never started talking to gio, i wish i never got that dream that made me start liking gio in the first place. niggas be getting too attached and thats when the trouble starts. and then we keep fuckin…oh gosh. gio said ima be wearin him out with all this fuckin. i mean i need my sex, without ima be madd ignorant and fucking bitchy. right now im fucking estatic and happy. even tho i gotta work tomorrow. gio got that bomb dick, i wanted to top him off so fucking bad, but my new piercing aint healed yet, so i just kissed his dick like 3 times. i wouldnt feel bad toppin him off, since he tops me off…and i love it. damn.

ugh…

1:18AM/FRIDAY MORNING
TALKiN T00 // dre.
LiSTENiN T00 // “Set Adrift Of Memory Bliss” PM Dawn
0N MY NERVES // ricardo. gio not texting me back

today wasnt that bad of a day except im extremely tired. i heard they was suppose to be building a taco bell in the area. if that does happen, im gonna apply there. i wanna have a job on the weekends. 2 jobs poppin. i need more money. that health insurance shit is killin me, thats a phone bill payment. i would have more money in my pocket if i didnt need to keep paying for things i  dont wanna pay for. like that fucking car, i had to pay people to look at it, and pay people to get there. cause i cant tow it to a shop, its too much money, and then have it towed back, and then possibly get it fixed too, im not rich. so it was just cheaper to have people come look at it at the house. and then i had to buy a battery for it, that was like $88 and then a starter….that was like $120. thats too much. i told this guy that if i was making high end repairs i dont want the car. i just thought the battery had died. and it did, but that didnt fix the problem. anyway, enough about that bullshit. finally got the summons in the mail for the court date, its next month on the 14th. i cant wait to get this shit over with. ima make that motha fucka feel really bad, i swear. cause im fucking pissed off i have a car i cant even drive, going to school in work in the rain as i stare at my car that doesnt work as im walking. its a shame. starting to understand this class that im taking more, im actually reading the material. learning more things as well. i keep getting extra books for myself to read that is relevant to my class, and i never read them, but ima start. i have work to do so i can catch up with the rest of the class. oh yeah, had a test today. i got a 92. i guess thats good for someone who didnt really study. i never study. so that just shows my true genius. 🙂 ..i texted the old italian guy that gave me his number. hes like 40 something and is a carpenter, lives alone in some private area or some shit. has like 4 cars…he sent me pics of them like i really wanted to see them, not. then he sent me a pic of his dick. epic fail….that shit is like 4 inches long. i mean it was thick, but it was small. im like why send it. all he wants to do is fuck, which is typical. i just wanted to know what he wanted. hes like “oh you must not like white men or something”….that’s sort of insulting that he must of thought that im some type of ho, and i would just give him some gushy just like that. what kinda shit is that ?? i wouldn’t even fuck him anyway, first off hes not that attractive, i don’t find him cute, his dick is small, and hes old as hell. he could be my father. gross. ricardo is gettin on my damn nerves lately. he is wayyyyyy to clingy. i was in the hair dressers the other day, and then this nigga comes in there and sits down and is just watching me for like 20 mins ..who even knows how long he was there for. and i come to the salon alone cause i don’t even wanna be there. but he shows up, and i didn’t even tell him i was there which makes it even more annoying. i didn’t tell him where i was for a reason – so his ass wouldn’t show up. and then he sits there for 3 and a half hours until my hair was finished. who the fuck does that ??? he was getting off of work and saw me in the salon…cause apparently, he always looks in there (bullshit) he must of been staring hard as hell cause i was towards the back, and if you took a quick glance, you wouldn’t of known that was me. but either way, he is just wayyy to clingy. always wanting to chill, always wanting to see me, like i need my space. we only friends, we don’t need to see each other every fucking day. and i do that for a reason, i don’t like to be smothered. which is what he is doing to me. i got home from chillin with him yesterday, and then he asks me what im doing after school tomorrow – maybe we can chill. hell no. we just chilled today, wdf ?! then he sends me texts saying he loves me and shit. i never say it back to him, and you would think it would stop after this has been going on for a good 3-4 months now. NOPE. i don’t like him in that way, at all. hes not my type, at all. he claims he likes me more than a friend, idk what kinda effect i have on niggas, but its starting to piss me off. and then when i fuck em its a whole nother story. im still getting stalked. me and cardo aint fuck, but im pretty sure if that was to happen, i wouldst be able to BREATHE. speaking of being stalked, jon hit me up today, once again, on some dumb shit. ‘oh i was looking through my old phone and found all the x rated pics of you” ..so i was curious to know what pics i had sent him so i asked him to send some. he sends one face shot of me, and then this pic of me naked, a whole body shot. it was a sexy pic. i aint gon lie. he keeps saying why we aint fuck in such a long time. he kept playing. i got sick of it, now hes texting me everyday asking me this shit. the nigga is pussy whipped, and its pissin me off. we aint fuck in a year and some change and you still fiendin …like are you serious ?? thats why i aint sharin my pussy no more, im tired of these niggas hounding me for it. he was tryna bribe me today …and speaking in reserve psychology like that bullshit was gonna phase me. he plays too much, and i wasnt beat for the games anymore. maybe he will get the picture one day, but for now he aint getting it.

jeff is trying really hard to repair this relationship, and im really liking it. it shows that he does give a fuck about our relationship. i dont wanna split up with him but i dont wanna let gio go either, he just does things that my man doesnt …basically…and i dont wanna cut him lose. the sex is good too. im tryna cop some tomorrow actually lol. i should be going over his house, or hes coming to mine, something like that. i need some dick i aint fuck in 2 weeks. im feenin …gio lucky….if jeff’s shit was on point i would be doing him right now. but its wave, ima get mines one way or another…i love jeff for trying i really do. it actually turned me on lol not physically but mentally. like he really does care….man i love that nigga to death…at the end of the day he is really my true love, my heart, my everything yo….ugh. almost 2 years we been together…damn…

sex survey .

HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID THIS WEEK?
yessss

EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
yes

EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?
haha ..touchinq certain areas is ticklish

EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO, WHY?
when i lost my v-card yeah..

DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
yeah

EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
 yup !

EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
nope….if its wack i just stop.

DIRTY TALK, OR STFU?
dirty talkk

EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
yeah, with only 1 person, and im currently still with him

EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
hell no kinda shit is that

EVER HAVE A THREESOME?
yeah

EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
yeah once…

EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
yeah. when i was sleeping with that person i regretted sleepin wit. he was wack.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
i dont think i have one…ohhh yeah lol. i guess when i was on top and i bumped my head on the wall, then he bumped his head lmaoooo that was funny. nada major doe

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
17

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
my bf

DO YOU LIKE 69?
i dont think i tried that yet

ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
nah, cold

DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
nah

DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
rarely

EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/?FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
a relative doe..really ? gross . and no

EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER
yeah…and he str8 cheated too. i knew bout his ways AFTER we broke up

TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
i honestly dont like them unless im fuckin a chick

LINGERIE?
its doable…but i rather see you naked 🙂

EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
nah

HAVE YOU HAD SEX IN THE FOLLOWING PLACES- YES OR NO

park- yes

pool- no

hot tub- no

church- no

cemetery- …no wdf

school (or parking lot)- yeah

parent’s bed (other persons)- no

your bed- yes

car- yeah

public library- no

in a barn- no

in front of a window (curtains open)- yeah

in front of a window (curtains closed)- yeah

picnic table- yeah

in the snow- nah

in a tree or tree house- nah

same room while a friend was doing it- no

same room with a friend watching- i had people watch me , but they wasnt friends

kitchen table- nah

kitchen counter- nah

couch/?chair-? yea

pool table- no

on top of a bar- yea

front lawn in daylight- i fucked in the backyard doe

At a relatives house while visiting- no

On top the roof- no

On a bus (?school/?public/?coach)?- almostttt lol

Public restroom- almost lol

Dining room/kitchen table- already asked

Woods- nah

Hood of a car- yesss lol

Bathroom- yes

Shower- yes

bed- yes

Porch/?deck/?balcony- not i remember

In a house with parents home – yuppppp

At a party – nah

On top of the washer/?- no

With other people in the room- yes

Hotel- yes

Concert- no

At your workplace (or partner’?s)- no

Grandparent’s house- no

Field- yes

Beach- yes

Bleachers- no

Golf course- no

Tennis court- no

Elevator- lol real close. people got on the elevator when we was bout to. talk about pissed lol

Parking ramp- no

*sigh*

11:04PM//FRiDAY NiTE
TALKiN T00 // n0 one.
LiSTENiN T00 // ATHF movie
0N MY NERVES // not gettin paid quick enuf ! jeff bein a damn cheater/liar, this week takin forever, ma sidekick acten stupid, bein broke…STILL !

so today wuz da last day of orietation (THANK GOD) cuz i wuz really gettin sick of wakin up so damn early to juz listen to sum lady talk, i mean she wuz nice n all, but thas not why i got hired..to listen to sum1 talk. if dat wuz da case, i wulda neva got da damn job in da first place lol. so yesterday, wen orientation was ova, i went lookin in  da resteraunts 4 a second job. i went to ruby tuesdays (had no apps) then steakhouse somethin, and den there was some fondue place, but who da hell eatz fondue but dem tourists and nobody dat a local wanna see dem mutha fuckaz. cuz NO BODY frm AC eat no damn fondue. but den i went to applebee’s n im greeted by sum dude dat look like keef lol. i thought it wuz him but it wuz sum dude named mike. but see how dumb i am to actually think it wuz keef lol wen dude aint got no bidnezz havin a job ova hea ? but chea i aint see keef by da way, he styled on me hard. well actually itz ma fault. but itz all good. aint like he ina nother country. imma go onna road-trip one day. i will see him again. but back to da point, i mean mike looked kinda cute lol so i wuz like damn lol. i juz asked for an application n shit. n i filled it out and den jeff calls me n i tell him whea i wuz (cuz we wuz meetin up) n den like after i got done fillin out da app, me and mike wuz talkin, and juz bout wen we wuz bout to trade numbaz, jeff comes up, im like aww shit. i wuz kinda pissed off. but thas why ma ass came back today lol n den i got his numba lol mission accomplished lol. i mean ppl juz dont undastand me na mean, i mean i gotta have back-ups for dese niggaz cuz jeff slippin rite now…hard. and i have a strong ass sense dat he cheatin on me. i went thru his texts and sum gurl (who i think i mite kno) said “do you love me yet?” then he replied “lol wat u mean” exact words. only reason I would say suttin like dat is if i fucked em !! and if i find dat shit out i will be fuckin heated. cuz earlier dat day me and jeff got into an agruement cuz it seem like ery time im wit him some bitch iz chirpin his phone n den he say he dont kno dem. i kno he does. he’s lyin. n den i told him to let me talk to her, he wouldnt let me, talkin bout some “i dont wanna start no drama”. uhhh, BULLshit this nigga think im stupid. n den wen he finally give me da phone, he deletez da numba. dat pissed me da fuck off. den i took his phone from him cuz i wanted to see if she wuz gon chirp back. but she didnt. thas how i kno bout dat text frm dat grl, i went into da bathroom n went thru his texts. not ONE of dem wuz frm a male. so wat kinda shit he tryna pull ? i mean i gotta lotta niggasz as friends but come on aint ALL ma damn texts from niggaz. so i got ma eyes WIDE open on dis fool. i keep tellin him to keep it real wit me, instead of me worryin all da damn time. this post is juz pissin me off, i gotta go…..i cant do dis , itz makin me really upset. i officially start da damn job i applied for tomorrow 3pm-11….trainin dis whole damn week AGAIN dese ppl do not need to train ppl for damn 2 wks this is retarded

well i done started school, been like 2 months now, but who caresz. that school is crazy, da first day i wuz gettin lost. school has like 9394 hallwaysz n shit. this boy had on this racist ass shirt aganist hispanic people from their hispanic countries. this is wat it said “in america, we speak english, C0MPRENDE?” it was funny yet racist at da same time, n havin fam frm espanola, i wanted to smack him. but thas all for now. 1

3:59AM//SATURDAY M0RNiN
TALKiN T00 // Keef on da phone n some people on aim.
LiSTENiN T00 // Keef talk.
0N MY NERVES // people chirpin me every got damn minute!


he wants me off da computer lol cuz he can hear me typin lol. explain everythin later. -1-